Recently we had friends over to our home for dinner. They are new friends, met since we moved to Washington, so they have only known us as semi-retired. They belong to the congregation we served as Interim Ministers of Faith Formation, a full-time job that Susan and I shared for two years, each working half-time. The position was quite different from the years when we were both working full-time. We still had significant time for personal projects and we are now living close to one family of our grandchildren, which is different than before we retired.

At any rate, one of our new friends asked me if I ever get angry or explode. It was an interesting question, because the answer is, “Yes. There have been times when my anger has shown to everyone who was around me.” He said he couldn’t imagine it. His experience of me is as a very gentle and quiet person who is very tolerant of others and who does not speak out in anger.

I thought to myself that he simply did not know me when I was younger. I don’t think that people who knew me in my teens or twenties would have described me as gentle and quiet. My family of origin was large and I had three younger brothers. We argued regularly and raised voices were a part of nearly every family meal. When I was first dating Susan and she would come to visit our family she was taken aback at the loud arguing that accompanied every family meal. She experienced us as constantly shouting at one another, which was accurate even though I think there was a bit less anger than she perceived. Sometimes we simply raised our voices to be heard, not because we were angry.

At any rate, I think I have changed over the years.

Moreover, I think that being retired has relieved some of the pressure that I once felt. It seems to me that being retired has given me an opportunity to see the world a bit differently and to react to stresses in a more peaceful fashion. A couple of things that happened yesterday illustrated the point to me.

Two of our grandsons had birthdays yesterday. One turned two and the other turned thirteen. Washington has some of the most restrictive laws regarding children and car seats in the nation. In our state, children are not legally allowed to ride in the front seat of a car until they turn thirteen years old. That being the case, it seemed to us that one way to celebrate our grandson’s thirteenth birthday was to take a ride with him in the right front seat of our car. Both Susan and I have been looking forward to his being able to ride next to us when we are going places. Conversation is much easier when two people are next to each other. So we picked him up as planned to go out for lunch on his birthday with him riding shotgun.

As we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, I slowed to read the markings on the pavement indicating the length of parking. We wanted to make sure that we parked in a space that allowed 90 minutes so that we would have time for lunch. I stopped the car for a very short time, less than 5 seconds. When I turned on the blinker to indicate which direction I was going to turn to park, I heard the horn of the car behind us. I looked in my mirror and saw the driver pulling around us in the parking lot. Seeing it, I simply remained still until the car passed and then parked our car. The irritation and honking of the horn didn’t bother me, and I decided that the person was simply in a bigger rush than I.

I remember a time when such potentially dangerous behavior would have angered me and while I probably would not have yelled at the other driver, I would have at least raised my voice when telling the other occupants of my car how rude I thought that person was. Instead, I simply said, “I’m retired. I have more time than that person.” I noticed that the person in that car rushed into a mobile phone store upon parking. People rushing into mobile phone stores usually are having problems with their phones and are seeking solutions. I am grateful that I am not having those problems.

Later in the day I was stopped at a train crossing. The train was a long one and it was slowing so that the end of the train was taking quite a bit of time to pass the intersection. A car behind me got tired of waiting and made a multi-point u-turn in the street and sped off in the opposite direction, seeking an alternate route that would not be blocked by the train. Where we now live we frequently have to wait for trains that are entering a loading and unloading area at an oil refinery. I’ve learned to accept the delays as part of life and an opportunity to put the car into park and sit quietly for a few moments. I just don’t get annoyed, though I can imagine the frustration of others. These days I rarely am in the kind of rush that often was part of my life when I was working full time and trying to balance very full home and work lives.

It seems to me that I have mellowed a bit with retirement. I think that my friends observation that I have a calm demeanor may be accurate. It just isn’t true that I’ve always been that way. I’ve muttered under my breath at unanticipated delays. I’ve been impatient with other drivers. I’ve gotten frustrated to be caught behind those who are unfamiliar with the roads and drive slowly enough to delay traffic. But the circumstances of my life now afford me more room to be patient with others.

It may be that I’m a bit easier to get along with than was the case when I was younger and felt more stress in my life. At least I hope so. It would be nice to think that I’m improving a bit with the passing of time.